You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
