You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
