No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
