i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
