Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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