Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
