My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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