I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
