I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
