I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
