At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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