Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
