I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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