It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize