so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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