Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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