She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
