The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
