I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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