Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
