So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
