Already got asked if we're dating
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
