we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
