i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
