I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
