is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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