I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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