Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
