Me too!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
