His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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