Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
