So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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