I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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