he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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