I'm eating all of the evidence.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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