He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Operation Purity has been aborted
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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