i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This house was built for laser tag.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
