Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
