i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
