my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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