i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
