I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
