I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
