Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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