i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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