i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
