Michael Bay diarrhea
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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