lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
