Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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