you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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