Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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