Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
