My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
