i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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