a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
