I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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