Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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